Words of Wisdom from a Great Start Parent

Being a wife and a mother of 6, has its ups and downs just like any family. Believe it or not my children argue but I think every family does now and again. With ages ranging from 8 to 4, the only thing that might be different from my family compared to a smaller one is that I get to wonder which ones are going to argue today. A small argument can easily get out of control. I have had to remind my older children that I am mom and I will handle the problems. I have had to learn and still work on reminding myself to stay calm.  It makes a big difference in how the kids react.  If I am not calm about things, I can’t expect them to be. By no means have I figured this out completely, I am sure by time they all are grown and moved out maybe I will. Other things that are challenges for us are going out finding things to do, or places to eat, which can always be so costly. We look around for opportunities to take the kids out like the library, the YMCA and restaurants that have a kid’s specific special. For example we have attended an activity night at the YMCA that only cost a dollar for our family. I now receive emails and newsletters from the YMCA and the library that keep me updated so I always know what other opportunities are available.

If I hear advice from someone with a problem I have I take it and try it. Something I have heard that has always stuck with me is, that the wife/mother is a thermostat or a thermometer, the choice is hers. The difference is a thermometer states the temperature (or the mood) and a thermostat actually controls it. I have put that to the test many times, it not only affects the children and my husband but anyone who comes in when it is that temp. I strive to remember that if I stay cool and relaxed then everyone else will be also and we all get along so much better when we are. I try not to sweat the small stuff if no one is hurt or nothing is badly damaged then it will be ok. I have actually used the phrase “Don’t cry over spilled milk,” in reference to spilled milk.  I have been lucky to be a part of Head Start especially when I was a new parent and wasn’t sure how to encourage early learning. They still help me now when I have behavior problems or questions with my older ones. The teachers, family advocate, and staff have helped me through a lot. I also kept my eyes open to be able to find other families because you can learn a lot from others, what they been through and how they handle things. When my friend told me about Great Start Parent Coalition, I was more than eager to join. It has been a great opportunity to learn from others parents and have the children playing with other kids at the same time.

I have always wanted a big family; I love the idea of being so close. Now I don’t mean just in age, the older ones are always watching out for the younger ones. I enjoy watching them interact, playing, or just talking back and forth. They learn quickly from one another. There is a lot they do together from reading books to playing games, to running around outside. They have learned how to share and usually do it without being asked (although sometimes they still need to be reminded). There is never a dull moment at my house. I enjoy the excitement that comes with having 6 kids come home from school and all at the same time want to tell me what they did at school and show me all their papers. They are always proud of their accomplishments as well as their dad and I. Anyone who walks in my house can see all their papers and art work hanging on my walls. I love to be able to see how much they have grown both together and as individuals. I get asked a lot how do I do it, and I don’t always have an answer right off hand because we’ve added different parenting skills we have learned over time. So my thoughts to anyone would be not to expect changes to happen overnight. Just like when you are teaching your children to walk it takes time, love and a lot of patience.

Jenny Scott is actively involved in local Great Start efforts and is a busy wife and mother of six young children.

Great Books for Your Child

Sara Tackett
Jackson District Library

Looking for great books to read to your child?  The American Library Association announced their award winners of the best of last year’s books.  www.ala.org/ala/awardsgrants.


The Caldecott Award is given each year since 1938 for its illustration. This year’s winner is “A Sick Day for Amos McGee” written by Philip C.  Stead and illustrated by Erin Stead.  Amos McGee, a friendly zookeeper, always made time to visit his good friends: the elephant, the tortoise, the penguin, the rhinoceros, and the owl.   But one day--'Ah-choo!'--he woke with the sniffles and the sneezes. Though he didn't make it into the zoo that day, he did receive some unexpected guests.

The Robert F. Sibert Award honors  the most distiquished informational book. This years winner introduces us to the world’s strangest parrot in the “Kakapo Rescue” by Sy Montgomery and photographs by Nic Bishop. On remote Codfish Island, off the southern coast of New Zealand, live the last 91 kakapo parrots on earth.  Originally this bird numbered in the millions before humans brought predators to the islands. Now on the isolated island refuge, a team of scientists are trying to restore the kakapo population.

Looking for a great beginning reader?  Check out Theodore Seuss Geisel award winner “Bink and Gollie” by Kate DiCamillo and Alison McGhee and illustrated by Tony Fucile.  Two roller-skating best friends--one tiny, one tall--share three comical adventures involving outrageously bright socks, an impromptu trek to the Andes, and a most unlikely marvelous companion.

The Coretta Scott King Award for new talent this year highlights “Seeds of Change: Planting a Path to Peace”  by Jen Cullerton Johnson.  A biography of Kenyan Nobel Peace Prize winner and environmentalist Wangari Maathai, a female scientist who made a stand in the face of opposition to women's rights and her own Greenbelt Movement, an effort to restore Kenya's ecosystem by planting millions of trees.

These books and more can be found at the Jackson District Library (www.myjdl.com)

Sara Tackett, Youth Service Coordinator at the Jackson District Library and mother of four readers.  Sara is also a member of Jackson’s Great Start Collaborative.

A Message from our Great Start Parent Liaison

Jeanette Lamphere

GS Parent Liaison

Oh, the joys of pregnancy.  You remember--the anticipation, the excitement, and the wonder of it all?  It is suppose to be a most ‘magical’ time, right?  Well, maybe. 

I had the great pleasure of working at the Belly to Baby Expo this past month, and in doing so met literally hundreds of parents-to-be, many who were expecting for the first time.  Amidst all the fanfare, I gazed in the eyes of countless soon-to-be moms and dads who were in need of reassurance and support, and I realized how easy it is to forget—to forget about all of those inner doubts and fears that come during the transition into parenthood.  Even for veteran parents, the adjustment to a new ‘bundle of joy’ or, maybe ‘multiple bundles,’ can be a rocky road.

To this end, I was really proud of our community.  As I looked around the Events Center, I saw booth after booth filled with professionals dedicated to offering programs, services, and supports for Jackson families.  It truly does take a village to successfully raise a child, and I witnessed first-hand that we, as a community, are embracing this profound truth. 

That being said, are we perfect in our approach?  No way.  Are there flaws in the system?  Absolutely!  This is where parents enter into the equation.  Professionals can only do so much.  I am a firm believer that it is parent involvement that will make the difference in our success.  Parent voices are crucial to the evolution of successful community systems, and seasoned parent voices are equally as vital in the lives of other parents.  For this reason, I feel so very passionate about the opportunities afforded to the dads and moms who choose to be a part of the Great Start Parent Coalition.  Everyday parents have the opportunity to bring their valuable voice to the table, along with other early childhood professionals, and mold and shape the services offered to Jackson families.  Parents also have the opportunity to build friendships and support their peers through our network—parents helping parents be the best parents they can be.  To think, all of this good can be achieved at no financial cost; simply through the investment of a conversation.  Amazing!

Would you like to be a part of something outside of your day to day routine?  Would you like to build into a legacy of support for parents and families?   Great Start Jackson needs your voice.  Join us; a village of those who believe in early childhood.

Jeanette Lamphere is a Jackson mother of two and leads the efforts of the Great Start Parent Coalition to grow and develop parent leaders throughout the community.

A (True) Story About My Daughter Getting "Girl-Bullied"

At just 6 years old and in 1^st grade, my daughter, Annie, shared with me her first (to my knowledge, anyway) “girl bullying” incident.  At lunchtime, her group of (girl) friends would not let her sit with them.  I asked her (almost in disbelief), “What did they do?  What did they say to you?”  She told me, “They just said, ‘you can’t sit here.’”  I wondered with her, were they mad for some reason?  Did she say something that may have offended them unintentionally?  Maybe there was no room at the table?  These young girls just simply decided that they were going to control who sat at that table that day and who didn’t.  “What did you do then,” I asked her.  In an upbeat response she said, “I sat with the boys, Mom; it was fun!  Then we played soccer at recess!”  I was proud of her resilience and willingness to adapt to the situation.

Fast-forward now to four years later (and it does happen that fast, so hang on)…

One evening last year when my daughter was 10 years old and in 5^th grade, she approached me – somewhat upset - as soon as I got home from work and said, “Mom, Lily (not her real name) told friends at school that she is not going to invite me to her birthday party because of the way I dress.”  “Really?  She’s not inviting you for that reason? You’ve known each other all through elementary school and have always been friends.  Did something happen?”  Annie responded, “No, Mom.  We always get along.  Other friends told me that’s why she’s not inviting me.”  Wow, I thought to myself – I sure hope I handle this right.

When our children hurt, it is almost instinct to do or say something to protect them, to make them feel better, to take their pain away.  It is tempting to make an excuse for the bad behavior, something like, “Oh, Honey, I’m sure she didn’t really mean that.”  “Your friends must be mistaken.”  Or worse, saying something like, “Well, Lily must be a loser for saying something so mean about you!  Who needs a friend like that?!”  You know, fighting fire with fire.  The problem is this approach never works for solving problems.  It never has and it never will.

Annie is very bright and incredibly sweet; she’ll share anything with anyone, help anyone with anything, she’ll save her own work for home while helping others in the classroom and she’ll make you laugh all day long.  She’s an excellent athlete and loves every sport.  She plays every sport, too, except football – because her dad and I won’t let her play organized football at school – but she plays with her friends during lunch break.   She wears athletic shorts – you know, the basketball shorts variety – to school every day with a carefully chosen sports t-shirt and tennis shoes.  When it’s cold out, she’ll wear sports pants over her sports shorts, only because if she doesn’t, she is not allowed to go outside to play.  Her hair “styles” consist of straight down or, if she wants to fancy it up a bit, she’ll wear it in a ponytail.  Of course, I think she’s adorable and I would not change anything about her.  She’s a gem, a mother’s dream child:  Caring, loving, considerate, responsible, hard-working and funny.

Getting back to the birthday party problem, however, Annie and I talked about what it means to be superficial.  I explained that it means being fake, phony, not genuine and insincere.  We talked about what we value in our friendships and family relationships and that if we have one or two really good friends in our lives, well, that‘s a lot and we should be thankful to have those truly good friends.  Annie has always had good friendships, so coming up with names of caring friends was not a problem.  Her real friends do not care that she wears sports clothes every day, in fact, they rather embrace her for it.

After the talk about superficiality, I challenged Annie with this, “You know, Sweet Pea, you have really cute ‘girl’ clothes in your dresser drawers:  cute jeans, pretty tops and girlie shoes.  You have bracelets and earrings, too.  If you want to, you can choose to dress differently tomorrow when you go to school and maybe you’ll be invited to that birthday party.  Or…you can continue to dress the way that you like to dress, knowing you are not going to be invited to that party.”  I told her, “You don’t even have to decide right now, just think about it tonight and see how you feel about it in the morning.”  Annie finished her homework, we had dinner, watched a bit of TV and then went to bed to read before lights out.

The next morning my first thought was wondering what Annie would have on when she came out of her room ready for school.  Would she be Girlie Girl or my usual Sports Girl?  She walked down the hallway in her usual basketball shorts, MSU t-shirt, tennies on her feet and a big smile on her pretty face.  All I said to her as she left for school that day was, “Honey, you look really good today.”  She shot me a kiss and said as carefree as ever, “Bye, Mom.  Have a good day!”

“You, too, Sweetheart!”

Linda Tallman

Jack’s and Annie’s mom, Parent Education Coordinator at Family Service & Children’s Aid, Jackson, MI and GS Collaborative member

The Value of Thankfulness

Here is a very timely article from Cheryl Chaves-Torres, a member of our Great Start Collaborative here in Jackson County. 

Cheryl Chaves-Torres

Great Start Member

Happy Thanksgiving!   Family and tradition are at the heart of Thanksgiving.  What a great opportunity to teach our children and grandchildren both family traditions and the value of thankfulness.   The most important way to teach children positive behavior is to model.  As you prepare for the holidays express your gratitude out loud to your children.  Whether it’s a day off, a great meal, or time with family and friends that you value, let children know what you’re grateful for as an individual and as a family.

The following is a list of books for young children from the Zero to Three website that promote thankfulness:

• Biscuit Is Thankful by Alyssa Satin Capucilli and Pat Schories
• Little Critter: Just So Thankful  by Mercer Mayer
• Feeling Thankful by Shelly Rotner
• Thanksgiving Is for Giving Thanks by Margaret Sutherland
• I’m Thankful Each Day by P.K. Hallninan
• Giving Thanks: A Native American Good Morning Message by Jake Swamp
• All the Places to Love by Patricia MacLachlan

Holidays also bring some stress.  At the Belly to Baby Expo on November 6^th I overheard one of the learning stage presenters share ideas for dealing with holidays.  She said that although it’s tempting to let children sleep in or stay up late when they are out of school, it is important to keep their schedule and routine consistent.  This will help avoid meltdowns and problem behavior when children get tired from all of the holiday excitement.

After the Expo, I started thinking more about holidays and young children.  I found lots of information everywhere including the websites below: 

• Zero to Three:   www.zerotothree.org
• TRUCE:  www.truceteachers.org(Teachers Resisting Unhealthy Children’s Entertainment)
• CCFC:  www.commercialfreechildhood.org (Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood)

Check out the December Great Start Parent newsletter for more information from me on sharing the holidays with young children and age appropriate toys!  Go to http://www.greatstartjackson.org/ to see the latest edition.

Cheryl Chaves-Torres, MA Ed

Early Childhood Education Consultant

Child Care Network/Southeast Great Start RRC-Jackson

 

Advocacy...Is Fun?

I would like to welcome another contributor to our Great Start blog!  Jeanette Lamphere is our Great Start Parent Liaison and leads our parenting leadership and advocacy efforts through the growth and development of our Parent Coalition.  Jeanette will be sharing with us regularly so let us know if you have questions or suggestions for future entries.  --Sheri

When you hear the word 'advocacy', what is the first thing that comes to your mind?  For me, when I was asked to advocate on behalf of young children, I suddenly felt myself spiraling back in time to high school government class listening to the faint drone of a teacher straight from the halls Charlie Brown High (waa, waa, wwwaa, wwwa, wa).  This was almost enough to make me stop in my tracks and run as fast as I could in the opposite direction.  Thank goodness I stayed because I have made the most amazing discovery over the past couple of years working with the Great Start Parent Coalition (GSPC).  Yes, I have learned that advocating can actually be fun!

So what is this thing called advocacy?  It is a fancy word that simply means sharing your opinion--sharing what is important to you and why.  Now, if you are like me, you are probably thinking, "no one cares about what I think, and they are certainly not going to take the time to listen."  The wonderful thing that I have also discovered is that this could not be farther from the truth.  The GSPC works with early childhood professionals from throughout the county and beyond who truly want to hear what parents are thinking, want to learn where parents are struggling, and want to mold and shape resources around these areas to make a difference in the lives of children.  In fact, many professionals, especially our legislators, tend to hear from parents of young children only in times of extreme circumstances, leaving them with a perspective that probably does not match your reality.  The good news is that we as parents have an opportunity to change that fact through dialog within the GSPC.

Now that you know a bit more about advocacy, you may be wondering, "do I have to stand up and give a speech?"  Thank goodness the answer is "absolutely not."  When our parents gather to share, it is more like a conversation among friends around a table than a formal meeting.  GSPC parents have ongoing opportunities to meet people, make friends, and contribute to the development of themselves and this community. 

The bottom line is that the GSPC wants to hear from you in whatever format you are comfortable, whether that be in person, on-line, over the phone, or in writing.  Our hope is that this blog will provide parents just like you with another avenue to share your stories--your hopes, fears, struggles--and help inform the work of Great Start and its' members in the areas of child care & early education, family support, emotional/social health, parent leadership, or pediatric & family health. 

So what are you waiting for?  Join the conversation today!  From our Child Care and Early Education Group, let us know what you think about the following:

What does quality child care mean to you?  Do you feel you have access to it?  If no, how would your life be different if you did have access to quality child care?

I look forward to 'advocating' with you and sharing any next steps that are made as a result of your responses.

Jeanette Lamphere, Parent Liaison
Great Start Parent Coalition

Great Start Commitment - From a Member's Perspective

Keeping a blog interesting and fresh is no small task, so I've asked for lots of help from members of our Great Start Collaborative.  Below is a message from Robert and Sarah Allen who operate Anew Horizon Childcare & Family Development, Inc. here in Jackson.  --Sheri

Robert and I have been a Great Start Collaborative members for the last year and a half.  The main reason why we joined the GSC is because they are comprised of many different businesses in an array of venues and with different missions, but we all have one common goal; to ensure that every child has a great start. 

When you hear us say we want a child to have a “Great Start” this means we want to help build a strong foundation for every child to ensure they have the tools they need to succeed.  We want every child to be in good health, to be confident, safe, and secure individuals. 

We have witnessed these goals be reached and we are so honored to be a part of this great work.  We know there is still a lot of work to be done, and we are all dedicated to making sure every child’s needs are meet, and that every child is given the best tools to succeed in life.

Sarah & Robert Allen
Program Director, Executive Director
Anew Horizon Childcare & Family Development, Inc.